LOONEY TARANTULA

Infinite Couple

2005-06-23T03:38:00.000-07:00

Last Monday, Man Infinite and his wife came visiting.

I can't say we were meeting after a long long time. We had met - may be for an hour or so - a couple of months back in Trivandrum. He was then wearing a mundu and sweating in Trivandrum's sultriness. We met at the same spot where we used to meet during our college days and went for a stroll down the road.

Man Infinite then told me of his plans to leave journalism for good and start 'something' of his own. For him, journalism was a hopeless career.

This time, June 20, 2005 to be precise, he looked fashionable compared to our days together in Kariyavattom campus. His gait, as always, was crow-like. He has put on weight, but was pleasantly pleasant, very much like I have been knowing him since 1994.

He marched out of the airport lounge holding his mobile phone and with a wide smile. His wife - the poor thing - pushed the trolley after him. I was meeting his wife for the first time. Expectedly, he never bothered to introduced me.

We took a cab to my home. Mr and Mrs Man Infinite looked like enjoying their every moment in this self-proclaimed garden city though their flight from Delhi landed three hours behind schedule. He told me amidst guffaws that the flight got delayed as the captain of the flight reported late for duty.

I couldn't help smiling to myself. If I were in his shoes the delay would have irritated me and ruined my day and of those around me. But my jovial friend was laughing at the entire delay and telling me with a child-like happiness about the SpiceJet crew who goofed up and announced their arrival at Bangalore on touching down at Pune!

Man Infinite was always pleasant and happy, though at time indignation makes him do silly things. He was the lead graffiti writer in college. His inscriptions on the wall had many times led to direct confrontation with the faculty members, which culminated in one of his friends getting into a fist fight with the head of the department.

One can really say when Man Infinite goes into deep contemplation. His will set his sights at a distance with his eyes blinking incessantly. The same happened when I joked this time, telling he visited me on World Refugee Day while adding I am under oath that I'll invite and feed refugees that day every year.

Man Infinite slipped into a deep thought and I knew very well that he was thinking of something to retort that would put me in defensive. A couple of minutes later, he laughed out admitting he had lost the sharpness in this regard. Later brought the roof down with laughter when I told him that he can say he is in the habit of visiting refugee camps every June 20.

Thankfully, he got an equally pleasant wife who gets along with him very well. Though she looked amused at the goings on, Mrs Infinite looked like a jolly type who can enjoy funs poked at her husband.

I still can't picture him as a hubby. For me he is still that old mate in college. Just to convince myself that he is now a hubby and a family man, I asked Mr and Mrs Man Infinite whether they fight with each other. Yes, they do, he admitted. He, however, didn't confirm whether his wife employs anti-hubby weapons like frying pans, spattles and rolling pins against him with clinical precision. He didn't deny it either. Instead, he smiled and looked away with his eyes blinking incessantly.

This guy is incorrigibly happy. He hasn't changed much from his college days but for a few strands of grey hair and a receding hairline. I prefer this consitency and I wish him and Mrs Infinite (and those little Infinites to come) all the very best in life.

Though I hate those who forgets old pals as they move on befriending new guys, I wish them too, the very best.

Caravan Gets Stuck as Dogs Bark?

2005-06-15T07:11:00.000-07:00

I was once pulled up for editing a copy.

It happened a few years ago while I was working with an organisation in Delhi. I found a few factual errors in a copy that a new girl with the Marketing department had written.

Since that particular copy was sent to me for proofing, I corrected it as usual. My work profile then comprised checking and approving all materials that had to be sent to print.

The copy from the marketing girl was a brochure, supposed to be distributed in Bundelkhand and Punjab. I found a few factual errors and typos. I corrected them without a second thought and forwarded them to the designer.

A word about this girl: She studied in Ohio, while I had my education in Kerala.

The COO of the firm, later that day, summoned me to his cabin. He told me in so many words that I have done a grave mistake.

I must have given him a quizzical look. He started all over once again. "Okay, boss," I told him. "I just followed my brief."

My immediate boss had forwarded the copy in question to me with an instruction to make it short and crisp.

The COO summoned my boss. She came in with an all-knowing smile.

Both of them discussed my ‘crime’. The verdict was that I should apologise to her and take the ‘victim’ out to lunch.

I argued. I asked them to point out the mistake in the edited copy. Their arguments were not convincing.

I demanded to know my mistake. They repeated the same: "you have changed her copy." I stood my ground saying I was paid for exactly what I have done!

The arguments went on and on. My boss, who had asked me to do the copy, stood by the COO who had found me ‘guilty’. I expected her to stand by me.

Instead, she said with a sweet smile: "You don’t understand female psyche."

Which female’s? I didn’t ask. I flashed her a broad grin as I nodded.

The incident had then hurt me. I was pulled up for my performing my duty. My ego was hurt. The marketing girl, who had been till then silent in office, fluttered all over. Her giggles hurt me more.

I decided to quit. I sounded this to a few of my close friends.

That night, over a few pegs of vodka, one of my friends asked: "You have decided to leave. It is like running away. How far will you run?"

I kept quiet. I had no guarantee that the organisation, which I would join next, would be different.

Next morning, I dumped the draft resignation letter in the dustbin. I strode into the office with my head held high and behaved as if nothing had happened. I cracked jokes, I whistled to myself, walked around the office as usual and for the first time, greeted the marketing girl with a hello.

The butterfly, which had fluttered all over the office the previous day, went back into her chrysalis. Her giggles faded away into a frosty silence as blankness shrouded the twinkle in her eyes.

My senior came in late that day. She dived deep into work, and avoided eye contacts with me.

That late evening, as I was about to leave, she pulled a chair and sat beside me. She explained that she was in great pain the previous night for singling me out, and hence couldn’t sleep.

I smiled, but kept mum. She also said the marketing girl was considered superior to me since she had had foreign education.

I couldn’t hide my feelings. My grin was spontaneous.

While I was boozing with glee that night, I remembered with gratitude a college classmate who had acquainted me with worthy quotes. He is still a good friend of mine.

It was him who first introduced me to quotes like, "offence is the best form of defence", and "when the mind is free of fear, the head is held high."

He was then a brave boy. It was him who pointed out a sentence in the Bible that said: "Let the dogs bark, but the caravan moves on."

Today, I felt very bad as he removed all the comments in his blog. Most of the comments were aimed at just provoking him. But he seems to be hurt.

Earlier, he had closed one blog, perhaps for the same reason.

Though I pity him I can't help asking him a question: "How far will you run?"

Advani Falls Victim to His Own Making

2005-06-07T03:15:00.000-07:00

LK Advani during his visit to Pakistan echoed the sentiments of the former president, KR Narayanan.

Narayanan, while hosting President Pervez Musharraf of Pakistan, had said to forget the past, and look ahead for the future of both the countries. Incidentally, Narayanan’s speech must have been cleared by the then National Democratic Alliance in power, led by Advani’s BJP.

As Advani echoed similar sentiments in Pakistan recently, the Sangh Parivar was up in arms, demanding an apology from the septuagenarian leader, whom M Venkaiah Naidu once termed as ‘Loh Purush.’

Advani, who was made the BJP chief following the poll debacle of 2004, seemed to be formulating strategies to guide his party back to power. Advani have realized only Ram could not help them back to power, albeit he took the BJP to power riding on the Ram wave earlier.

Post-Godhra, there has been an opposition to the militant Hindutva sentiment even among the Hindus. The image of the Hindu majority nation got a beating as the world looked down at the largest democracy with suspicion. The US went a step ahead by denying a visiting visa to Narendra Modi, allegedly who did a Nero act while Gujarat burned.

The ‘India Shining’ slogan too boomeranged upon the BJP, and the experienced Advani knew well Ram and such hollow slogans hold little water. He also realized, albeit painfully, that voters think differently from what political parties or the media would like them to think.

For Pakistan, Advani was the hawk that scuttled the Agra summit at the last moment. He was then known to be aligned with the hardcore parivar of the Hindutva, compared with the ‘moderate’ Atal Bihari Vajpayee.

Post 2004 polls, Advani understood the need for garnering more votes, even that of the Muslims and minorities to ride back to power. Rath yatras, he knew, would make little difference, as people believed in materialistic and concrete differences that would positively affect them.

After 9/11, the relationship among the international community has taken a paradigm shift with anti-terrorist nations on one side and those sponsoring terrorism on the other. As usual, the US took lead in this realignment of nations.

Pakistan in this scenario, stood by the US owing to economic and political compulsions. They hunted down those considered militants, helped in exposing the father of their atomic bomb, and heeded to almost all whims and fancy of the US. They knew terming them as a rogue nation would make the country fade away into oblivion.

Back in India, the Manmohan Singh government continued the NDA’s foreign policy. There was a sudden shift, which of course started during the reign of Vajpayee, and Pakistan and India woke up to reality that pointed at the folly of eternal hatred towards each other.

More people to people contact were established and the moderate faction of the Hurriyat Conference crossed the peace bridge to the PoK and beyond.

Incidentally, Advani’s visit to Pakistan coincided with the Hurriyat’s trip. Both Advani and Hurriyat’s Mirwaiz Umer Farooq spoke the language of peace and reconcilement.

Being a seasoned politician, Advani should have perceived the course the world is taking, and the way it is shaping up. He knew he cannot take his party to isolation by clinging to an ideology that goes against the zeitgeist.

He knew very well that the Ram mandir mantra holds little water in the Hindi heartland, where regional parties have been gaining significant clout. He also knew he should take his party out of the three main points on which the BJP were thriving till now, and set a new agenda for the future.

Advani knew voters have grown mature and the BJP demands of Ram temple in Ayodhya, abrogation of Article 370 and a Unified Civil Code cannot by themselves win votes for the party.

The man, who took BJP to power earlier, played in tune with the times. Jinnah suddenly became secular, and the hawkish Advani mellowed down to become one of the moderate faces of BJP.

Advani broke free from the shackles of Ram mantra, which he himself promoted as part of his rath yatra that culminated in the demolition of the Babri Masjid in 1992. He created a new image in Pakistan, a clean, affable and of that of a family man who bets on international brotherhood irrespective of what had happened in the past.

He projected himself as a dove before the international community. The Pakistani media, which till recently saw a hawkish Advani, began singing paeans in praise of the Hindu leader.

And the BJP president, in an apparent move to avoid questions on his authority, penned his resignation letter in Karachi before he boarded the plane to Hindustan.

'Sun' Stoops to See Saddam’s Undies

2005-05-21T03:55:00.000-07:00

If Sun does it, can others be far behind?

Apparently not. This time, the Sun hit the stands with the pictures of the prisoner of war and former ruler of Iraq, Saddam Hussein, wearing white underpants while folding a pair of trousers.

While this image of the ousted ruler looked at the free world from the cover of the British tabloid, pictures including Hussein washing clothes were splashed in the inside pages.

Not to be left behind, media worldwide jumped at the semi-nude pictures of the Iraqi and carried it under their banner too.

To quote Emily Smith, the US editor of the Sun, “Newspapers followed up our exclusive from Germany and Italy to India and Australia. The pictures were shown on TV in China and Hong Kong. And they were even screened in Baghdad by a Dubai-based station.”

Eloquently and with giggling pride, she quotes other media response to the Sun exclusive. She also says the New York Post even carried “the pictures on its front page, along with our famous red logo.”

All these, among others, she said in an article titled, “World Sees Devil’s Pants.”

Apparently, those guarding Saddam Hussein are ignorant of international laws, especially about the Geneva Convention relative to the treatment of prisoners of war.

Adopted on August 12, 1949 and in force since October 21, 1950, the Convention stands for the protection of the victims of wars.

“Prisoners of war must at all times be protected, particularly against acts of violence or intimidation and against insults and public curiosity,” states Article 13 of the Convention, which is followed by “Prisoners of war are entitled in all circumstances to respect for their persons and their honour,” in the next Article.

As Secretary of Defence, Donald Rumsfeld had said earlier when captured US troops were interviewed on Iraqi television (properly clothed, of course), "the Geneva Convention indicates that it’s not permitted to photograph and embarrass or humiliate prisoners of war, and if they do happen to be American or coalition ground forces that have been captured, the Geneva Convention indicates how they should be treated."

He also added: "There are international standards that civilized regimes adhere to and then there are regimes like Saddam Hussein[’s] ...".

(Incidentally, Afghans held at Guantanamo Bay were not granted prisoners of war status when Rumsfeld decried the interviews of captured US soldiers. A prominent Saudi Arabian newspaper then wrote: "Rumsfeld’s newfound affection for the Geneva Convention is remarkable... The US does not believe that the prisoners now being held at Guantanamo Bay are prisoners of war under the Geneva Convention. Pictures of the men there, shackled and living in cages, were distributed by the Bush administration to the world’s media.”)

The New York Post in response to the Sun expose said, “Most Iraqis don’t know how Saddam can even sleep at night, but these photos show that when he does get some shut-eye, he bundles up against the cold like a street bum.”

The NY Post’s writer it seems is also not aware of the Geneva Convention, which also states the facilities that should be provided to the prisoner.

“Clothing, underwear and footwear shall be supplied to prisoners of war in sufficient quantities by the Detaining Power, which shall make allowance for the climate of the region where the prisoners are detained. Uniforms of enemy armed forces captured by the Detaining Power should, if suitable for the climate, be made available to clothe prisoners of war,” says Article 27 of the Convention.

NY Post in an apparent haste to utilize a chance to condemn the erstwhile Iraqi leader, who has been undergoing trial for war-related crimes, shot its mouth off and in that process put the US administration, which is responsible for Hussein, in the docks.

Hussein’s images as well as the rest of the media who stooped along with the Sun to have a view of Hussein’s undies, are sure to make more people sympathize with the imprisoned leader, yours truly being one among them.

Additionally, Hussein’s pictures must have hurt the religious fanatics, who received a new reason to make moderate Muslim youths join forces with the extremists and take up arms for jihad.

On March 23, 2003, on hearing the capure of American soldiers by the Iraqis, President George W Bush had said: "we expect them to be treated humanely, just like we’ll treat any prisoners of theirs that we capture humanely... If not, the people who mistreat the prisoners will be treated as war criminals."

Will the president treat those who had photographed Hussein and published the images as war criminals and bring them to book?

Whether he keeps his word or not, one thing is sure. The image of Saddam Hussein in white underwear will haunt George Bush, who declared war on Iraq, for many days to come.

How Much for Shitting in a Temple?

2005-05-13T04:45:00.000-07:00

There was a news report today about a six-month-old boy urinating in a temple in "God's Own Country".

It was not the act of the toddler, which I found amusing, but the attitude of the temple authorities who slapped a fine as well as a question the baby’s father asked.

For those who are not privy to this incident, here is an abstract. Y Anil Kumar along with his family and friends visited the Vadukkumnatha Temple in Thrissur. His six-month-old son, Adithyan, urinated on his mother's sari while they were standing for prayers. A few drops fell on the floor.

Seeing this, the temple authorities moved every one out, except for the baby and the mother. They demanded Rs 101 for cleansing the place and for the accompanying pooja.

But as Anil Kumar approached the temple office for remitting the fine, the amount has gone up to Rs 2001. The hapless man asked for a receipt, which the temple authorities adamantly refused.

Later, the state government initiated a probe into this incident following Anil Kumar’s complaint.

Anyway, the man paid the fine for the crime his son has done, but not before shooting a question at the collective consciousness of all sensible human beings:

"Whom would the temple authorities fine if a crow or a sparrow dirties the temple?"

(According to legends in Kerala, Adi Sankaracharya achieved his 'Mahaasamaadhi' at Thrissivaperoor (Thrissur) and his 'Panchabhouthika' is at Thrissur Vadakkumnatha Temple, where 'Sanghu Chakra Thara' exists. The temple is also famous for its murals).

The Zeitgeist

2005-05-11T04:21:00.000-07:00

Valentine’s Day in India seldom passes off without violent incidents.

The self-appointed moral-cum-cultural police in various cities have flexed their muscles through out on shops selling Valentine’s Day cards and other related stuffs, and at many times also on those celebrating the commercialized day of love.

It might look strange that the ‘moral police’ hardly have tried to prevent Indians from celebrating other equally commercialized days, like Mother’s Day, Teachers Day, etc.

Valentine’s Day, they claim, is against Indian culture, ethos and tradition. Hence, it should be prevented from being celebrated. Valid argument.

Those avid news-watchers may differ. The daily fare that newspapers serve them speak of rape (singles, doubles and gang), murder, incest (forceful and otherwise), same-sex love affairs, etc. apart from their daily chunk of undesired incidents that occur in public life, among others.

Valentine’s Day, still, is not India’s cup of tea. Indian’s are not supposed to express love in public, even if it is just an exchange of a card or a red, red rose.

They are also treated to the lengthy description of beauty queens being dragged into sex scandals, hot discussion on the existence and non-existence of casting couches in the film industry, juicy details of ‘item numbers’ besides awesome elucidation on scams and scandals.

It happens everywhere in the world, not just in India.

Switch on the TV, and the commercials warm you up to the female physique shown in different stages of undress. Female Indian belly buttons have even started singing these days. In case of houses having direct to home receiving facility, hardcore porn is a late night programme.

Recently, a report filed from Lucknow dealt in detail on how a sex-starved 16-year-old boy raped his 45-year-old mother. There was also another story about two Kanpur lesbians who got married before they committed suicide. One of the girls in this case was ‘saved’ and brought back to a life of perpetual shame.

The report carried the names of the victims as well as that of the juvenile criminal. Press laws in India say such names should not be revealed. But then, this is India.

So what, the tiger in the Mumbai den may ask; it happens everywhere. He has also argued in favour of violators – albeit indirectly - of scantly clad women. Even policemen are humans, and they have feelings. They can’t be blamed if they rape a girl dressed hot, the tiger roared loudly only to retract later.

Another report spoke about an honourable judge who asked a rape victim whether she is ready to accept the marriage proposal of her rapist. If she had accepted, the judge would have reduced the sentence, since the man is giving a ‘life’ to the woman.

The woman apparently had scant regard for Indian tradition and culture, which is more or less based on Manu’s rules when it come to male-female relationship. She rejected the proposal and demanded capital punishment for her tormentor.

But still, Valentine’s Day should be banned! It is against out culture, ethos and tradition, the tiger purrs, which would turn into a deafening roar in the first half of February.

Indians will listen to that mighty roar of the cultural police in February. Till then, newspapers will enthrall them with their staple diet of sex and politics, reported from within the country.

And on February 15, media will carry reports on annual Indian tradition-cum-culture protection day.

The Old Lady Stinks

2005-03-16T01:47:00.000-08:00

“When the bitch is in heat, it stinks.”

The old lady of Boribander stinks like hell.

Lightness of Being in Rain

2005-03-15T04:27:00.000-08:00

Rain, if you have experienced it, is something that could spruce you up.

A post on rain in a friend’s blog brought with it the fresh smell of first rain, wrapped in a cosy embrace.

At times, words evade me, failing to touch my inner self. But today, this particular blog spontaneously brought to me the exuberant memories of youthful yesterday. A time when I tried to be one with the nature.

This particular blog has mentioned Alexander Frater, whose travelogue had captured my imagination, and with whom I had tried to identify myself, albeit unsuccessfully.

Reading and rereading Frater's Chasing the Monsoon, has always refreshed me as he negotiates his words through rains of different parts of India and elsewhere. His experiences drops into us, as a rain of captivating words brilliantly recollected in tranquility.

I do agree with my friend, who had made me remember and miss rains. Yes, I do miss rains though I'm in Bangalore. The rains in Kerala, as I know, were always different and musical, from other parts of the country.

Long back, while in college, I had tried to do a Frater. I tried to catch up with the monsoon at Kovalam, and with this intention waited for two days on the beach.

But the rain never fell. The sky was cloudy, and the beach almost deserted but for some backpackers buying cheap ganja, and passing cheaper jokes to anyone who cared to smile at them. The wind stood still and the calm sea occasionally let out a muffled roar as the waves crashed against the rocks.

The overcast sky, it looked, refused to open its gates to the shores of Kerala. I along with a friend, who knows Kovalam and neighbouring areas well, waited with adulterated toddy bottles. The lighthouse on the hillock blinked much before darkness hoodwinked the land and the sea. Our drunk eyes couldn't make much from the jaundiced brightness meekly sweeping over the sea.

Under the starless sky we sat, my friend and I. The wind started blowing and the sea started to growl. Then at a distance over the sea, we could hear a faint roar, which as seconds passed by, grew louder and closer.

My knowledgeable friend, who was on the brink of a blackout after daylong toddy consumption sans food, blurted out the two much-awaited words, mazha varunnu (rain is coming).

I looked towards the sea, and saw nothing, but an imposing wall of darkness. The roar from the sea grew nearer and louder. A lightning hurried zigzaggedly through the sky and I saw a momentous white wall of rain rushing towards me, only to drench me in gay abandance in the next second.

The tiredness of waiting for two days and the dry weariness of toddy vanished in a whiff as rain poured over me with a soothing effect. I bade goodbye to my friend and straddled my bike. As I climbed up the hill towards the main road, I could feel little streams of water rushing down all over me. I felt the tickle of umpteen numbers of cold-warm, soft and invisible hands on me.

Night rain brings life back to its subtle pace. All around, you will see, smell and hear life in its true manifestation, slow-paced, calm and serene. As you chew on the hot paan (murukaan) and negotiate your bike through the puddles, feeling the raindrops on your face and lips, you feel the rush of energy through you.

And you love speed too. Speeding on a bike while the rain pelts you is the best part of it! Your heart hums, "She touches my soul with her perfect body…"

It is trust. You trust rain in all its manifestations.

I have had the good fortune of experiencing rains in the forests too. I have felt the pangs of the cold, needlelike raindrops against my skin up in the mountains. Be it on the beach, plains or forests, rain has always been terrifying as well as soothing. It has been always encouraging, loving, vengeful, and cold-hearted.

There are a few instances when I had felt and smelt rain, without really being out there in the rain. A Malayalam novel by C Radhakrishnan, Pullipulikalum Vellinakshatrangalum (the kangasna mangasna chapter, though rain is not a character) had given me the feel of real rain. Another one is Shaji N. Karun's first movie, Piravi, which unfurls in the backdrop of incessant rain.

But none of these have given me the joy of reading about the rain lashing upon Calcutta.

The authors, after speaking about the rain in the city of joy said, "The lepers of Calcutta are making love."

The relation of rain with creation made my heart leap with joy. This was the thought that had then made me feel the lightness of being in the rain. Years later, I still feel that lightness of body and soul whenever I remember or feel rain.

Rains, especially after a long dry spell, always remind me of the lepers of Calcutta - and the act of creation on a rainy night.

Teaching the Opposition

2005-03-03T01:24:00.000-08:00

Dear Rahulji,

I am glad to know that you staged a dharna today outside the Parliament, protesting the frequent disruptions of the Lok Sabha by the Opposition.

You have said such bedlam that leads to the adjournment of the House denies you the opportunity to learn. You have a point there.

I was all ears when you spoke to TV cameras: “We have come here to learn (from debates) but that is not being allowed.”

Terming it as “gross wastage”, you also told the nation that the state exchequer had lost Rs 52 crore as the proceedings in the parliament were disrupted in the last nine months.

The truth hurts. It hurts more because I’m a taxpayer and have voluntarily contributed to the Rs 52 crore, which the Opposition has thrown to the winds. It further hurts when I realise my helplessness in keeping my money safe or putting it in a beneficial manner.

The Opposition – the whole lot - should be hanged to death by their balls, Mr. Gandhi.

Their argument is insane, sir. The Opposition says the government headed (defacto) by your mother, Mrs Gandhi, has used the Jharkhand Raj Bhavan for the political projects of the Congress. They say the Jharkhand Governor, Syed Sibtey Razi, invited Jhakhand Mukthi Morcha to form a government albeit the National Democratic Alliance having the necessary numbers.

Now, they are planning to parade the legislatures in Rashtrapati Bhavan. I invite your attention to your statement, Mr Gandhi, “We have come to learn…”

In my humble opinion, sir, it is the Opposition who needs to learn. Especially since the Congress has made a comeback to power at the Centre.

Yes sir, they should know this is the way of the Congress. They should learn how the then Congress president, Mrs. Indira Gandhi, in 1959, had used S Rama Krishna Rao to undo the Communist government of EM Shankaran Namboodiripad in Kerala.

Mrs. Gandhi, the senior, had then even made her dad and Prime Minister Jawaharlal Nehru remain a mere spectator.

The Opposition badly needs to learn Indian political history. They should also learn how many non-Congress governments were scuttled using the Raj Bhavans in the 1960s.

They need not travel such distance back into history, dear sir. The Congress in 1981 had used GD Tapase to deny Devi Lal the top post in Haryana. Bhajan Lal was the beneficiary, Mr. Gandhi.

Almost at the same time, Congress employed the services of the then Andhra Pradesh Governor, Ram Lal, to unseat Telugu Desam Party’s NT Rama Rao. But Rao, like the present Opposition, did not relent and brought the entire legislature party before the President.

Unfortunately, we can’t hang him by his balls, sir. He is no more alive.

Sir, using Raj Bhavans for widening political base is not the monopoly of the Congress. The Janata government, which came to power following the debacle of your party in the post-emergency election of 1977, had also followed suit.

The Opposition, Mr. Gandhi, should recollect that the Janata party assumed power riding on an anti-Congress plank. Yet, they got governors dismiss Congress governments in a few states. This is the real Indian politics.

There is yet another aspect that the Opposition should understand. The Left is now with the Congress. They are the ones, who usually raise a hue and cry over whatever the Congress does. Not any more, dear sir. Their support base is fast eroding even in the red, red lands of Kerala and West Bengal.

Mr. Gandhi, I suggest the Congress itself should bring the Opposition to real politick. The Congress should make a syllabus, make them learn and conduct exams. Only those who pass the exam need to be allowed in the Parliament as Opposition members. There is no need to go by the redundant: for the people, by the people theory.

Since the Left is also with the Congress, the lessons for the Opposition aspirants may begin as, “A spectre is haunting India and Indian democracy - the spectre of Indian National Congress.” The lessons can end with a call to all Congressmen and women:

“Congressmen of the nation, unite!
You have nothing to lose.”

Let each batch of the Opposition sing this slogan during their passing out parade.

Regards
Looney Tarantula

Wanted: More Films on Holy Sex

2005-02-21T22:54:00.000-08:00

The Jolly rape and murder case, which shook Kerala in 1988, has now thrown up a question.

Is it okay for priests to have sex?

The question has been raised following the controversial film ‘Sins’, which is loosely based on the Jolly murder case. The film portrays a priest who slips and makes love to a young chick.

Funny are the ways of getting publicity. I request all intellectuals to join the debate on whether priests and nuns should be allowed to fuck. Let the film ‘Sins’ win!

Also we need a film based on a priest belonging to Swaminarayan sect who was recently found guilty for having sex. We also need another one on the same-sex orgies in various madrassas in the country.

After all, ours is a secular republic.

Mysore Cultural Food

2005-01-19T03:19:00.000-08:00

“Cultural food, we want cultural food,” screamed the tourist.

“Food? Many hotels,” blurted a confused taxi driver. To drive in his point, the tourist in his guttural singsong voice again shouted with animated gestures, “We want Mysore culturallll food!!!”

The driver fell silent, staring at the north Indian guy shouting at him. He looked at the tourists who have hired his Qualis and then cast a melancholic glance towards the lit-up Mysore palace.

The cabbie, apparently, must have employed all the gray cells inside his tonsured head to decipher what the man was trying to tell. He had had people asking him to take them to Mysore palace, but never before had anyone directed him to take to Mysore cultural food.

He again looked at the kids and the lady who were among his passengers. They looked so weary and least bothered about what the man was shouting. They seemed to be looking for a place to crash and settle for the night.

But the man, who probably had taken off from his native place with the sole aim of ‘experiencing a new culture’ was in no mood to relent. “Cultural food,” he kept chanting at the driver.

The lady must have intervened, the man suddenly stopped chanting and all boarded the vehicle. The driver got into the vehicle with an added vigour.

As the Qualis took a U-turn and whizzed past us towards the direction of the Mysore bus terminal, I thought to myself: “What do you people usually have for dinner,” would have produced better results.

A wicked voice within me guffawed and shouted after the Qualis: “Parotta aur beef fry!”

I Watched It With Elan

2005-01-06T08:11:00.000-08:00

Former Miss Jammu Anara Gupta walked out of her home today with her head held high, speaking to nobody but looking straight into people's eyes.

Many in the congested Chowk Chabutra area of Jammu's walled city, where Anara lives, avoided her eyes, a day after forensic experts cleared the clouds of sleaze and said she was not the woman in a porn CD.

"She looked straight into our eyes as if questioning, why were you hiding when I was being tormented for nothing?," said Sanjay Kumar, a young boy in his twenties. "Today she has emerged as a real heroine and we as the cowards who did not stand with her in her hour of crisis," he said.

Today there are more words of remorse and support for Gupta, who was arrested along with a cable operator by the Jammu & Kashmir police on Nov 4 last year for allegedly producing pornographic movies and later released on bail.

But Anara deserves more, after Jammu and Kashmir made her “confess” that she had had intimate relations with the cable operator in question.

Her name was dragged to the public, “explicit scenes from her video” travelled at the speed of Internet, found space in many member groups. But not the man who “ “bedded” her, promising a sure short route to the tinsel screen.

Anara was tormented, insulted and humiliated. So was her family. Their crime: Anara Gupta was crowned Miss Jammu in 2001.

But, Anara was lucky. She went through this humiliation and pain only for a few months, which surely doesn’t reduce its gravity. In the 1990s, Indian newspapers spoke about an ISRO espionage case, which “shook” the nation.

Two women from Maldives, Mariam Rasheeda and Fausia Hassan used the age-old honey trap to get information from senior scientists working with the Indian Space Research Organisation, India’s premier space agency, we were made to believe then. Mata Haris, they told us.

More than seven years later the CBI cleared the charges against all. By then, the scientists were tarnished in public, the two women were harassed in prison, court and in public.

We read about the steamy scenes involving these men and women in Malayalam newspapers, which used figurative languages to tell the hot sexual news without breaching the code of decency as laid down by media laws.

To tell it briefly, they stopped short of saying cunt, dick, pussy, fuck, etc. But all, even school kids, understood what they were mentioning in so many words.

But they were innocent. So were their families. Tormented, insulted and humiliated like Anara Gupta.

I feel like confessing like Raskolnikov confessed his crime to Sonia. I too have seen “Anara Gupta’s fuck video.” I confess, I watched it with élan. I also confess, a coward I am, I lapped up all those were written about the ISRO spy case with glee.

I also feel India owes an apology to the scientists, the foreign women and Anara.

Traditional Knowledge for Better Life

2005-01-02T03:07:00.000-08:00

Here are a few things that caught my attention today, exactly a week after earthquake-triggered tsunamis killed over 1,50,000 people in Asia and Africa.

One was an Associated Press report on tribal wisdom, which saved everyone in a seaside village in Thailand. Second, an Agence France-Presse report on a ‘little angel’ who saved hundreds of lives, again in Thailand.

The third one, an Indo-Asian News Service report, was about a Bishop in the Andaman and Nicobar islands, who saved none.

The elders among the Morgan Sea gypsies told their village to evacuate after they saw the sea receding. “The elders told us that if the water recedes fast it will reappear in the same quantity in which it disappeared,” village chief Sarmao Kathalay (65) said.

There were 181 people in South Surin island on December 26 and heeding the wisdom of the village elders, all fled to a temple in the mountains. No one was dead in this village.

Village elders predicted the upcoming calamity on the basis of tales of the ocean passed down along the generations.

Tilly, a 10-year-old British schoolgirl, alerted her mother, who presumably warned those in Phuket’s Maikhao beach that a tsunami was about to strike. Now known as “angel of the beach”, Tilly, on seeing the receding sea, knew that a “wall of water” was about to lash upon the beach.

She had learnt about earthquakes and tsunamis in her geography class. “Last term Mr. Kearney taught us about earthquakes and how they can cause tsunamis, Tilly said.

Her intuition on seeing the receding waters “was enough to raise an alert and prompt the evacuation of Maikhao beach and a neighbouring hotel before the water came crashing in,” AFP reported quoting British newspapers. Tilly’s warning saved hundreds of lives.

A quick recap. Scientists in the affected countries failed to foresee the tsunamis on December 26, 2004.

Bishop Alex Dias of the Stella Morris Cathedral Church, the main Catholic church in Port Blair (Andamans) said the tsunamis were a message from god, a reflection on the way man lives.

"I believe that the tsunami is a warning. A warning from god to reflect deeply on the way we lead our lives," said Dais, as he stood among the ragtag tarpaulin tents in the 900-strong relief camp the church is running for tsunami survivors, IANS reported.

Dias, who is now running one of the main eight relief camps in Port Blair, the main city in the Andamans, said he saw a special message shining through the disaster.

More than 800 people are now confirmed dead (Jan 2, 2005) in the Indian archipelago of the Andaman and Nicobar, which has 572 islands, islets and rocks, and more than 5,000 still missing, a week after giant tidal waves hit the islands.

A few days ago reports said the tribes in Andaman and Nicobar islands were safe, contrary to initial fears about their safety.

Apparently traditional wisdom is not just a grandmother’s tale as evident from the reports on Morgan Sea gypsies as well as the tribes in Andaman and Nicobar islands. Though there are no reports on how the tribes in Andaman and Nicobar saved themselves, I assume that they too had advance knowledge of the impending calamity.

Tilly’s case also points towards the fact that tsunamis could be predicted even without sophisticated warning systems.

I refuse to comment on the Bishop’s statement. Instead, I prefer to tap traditional knowledge, which could save and better human lives rather than looking for shining special messages after a disaster had struck.

What about you?

# # #

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People of the Year: Bloggers

2004-12-31T01:42:00.000-08:00

People of the Year: BloggersInternet Phenomenon Provides Unique Insight Into People's ThoughtsBloggers are among "World News Tonight's" People of the Year. (ABCNEWS.com)

Dec. 30, 2004 — A blog — short for "web log" — is an online personal journal that covers topics ranging from daily life to technology to culture to the arts. Blogs have made such an impact this year that Merriam-Webster named it the word of the year.

"There's a blog for every niche. There's a blog for every interest," said technology writer Xeni Jardin, who co-edits the blog boingboing.net.

Dylan Verdi, an 11-year-old known as the world's youngest videoblogger, says she covers "things that I've seen that I like or that I've heard of, or just anything that happened to me that day that I'm thinking."

There are millions of blogs on the Internet — a new one is created every seven-and-a-half seconds. More than 10,000 new additions are added to the "blogosphere" each day.

Firsthand Reporting on Asian Tsunami Catastrophes
This week, their influence has become readily apparent. Dozens of bloggers have been filing firsthand reports from the areas devastated by southern Asia's deadly tsunamis.

"There is kind of an immediacy that people can relate to — can't help but relate to that in a very intimate way," said Jardin.

"Day three," one blogger writes from the scene, "this may be an unexpected challenge and responsibility, and it hurts to see people in pain. But it's also a remarkable experience to be on hand to do something modest, but useful, in the aftermath of a disaster."

Bloggers around the world have made themselves useful, encouraging donations to relief groups, posting the names of the missing, and expressing sympathy for the victims.

Expanding Political Coverage
As a driving force in politics this year, bloggers covered the 2004 presidential campaigns and election. Political candidates also used them as valuable campaign tools.

"The Internet taught us, rather than the other way around," said former Democratic presidential candidate Howard Dean.

This year, for the first time, bloggers were permitted to cover the national political conventions firsthand.

Bloggers have taken the lead over traditional media on a number of stories, including racist remarks made by then-Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott, R-Miss., at former Sen. Strom Thurmond's birthday party.

"Suddenly the mainstream media, the nightly news, on all three networks and on cable, picked up the story and the papers picked up the story and the next thing you know, Trent Lott's resigning and gone," said Democratic strategist Joe Trippi, who masterminded Dean's groundbreaking online campaign efforts.

Some of the most compelling images of 2004 found their way to blogs first, from the Florida hurricanes to the war in Iraq. It was a blogger who got the first photographs of coffins carrying U.S. soldiers arriving in the United States from Iraq.

But for Verdi, it is the simple pleasure of knowing that someone is listening that makes blogging worthwhile. "On my blog it allows people to post comments, and I have gotten comment upon comment upon comment," she said. "It makes me feel really good that somebody else cares about what I have to say."

ABC News' Elizabeth Vargas filed this report for "World News Tonight."
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))Help victims((

Rock & Roll

2004-12-30T23:37:00.000-08:00

December 26, 2004: The seabed rocked off Sumatra, waves rolled over the land killing over 1,20,000. Dance of death.

The end.

Life is a Choice

2004-12-25T05:13:00.000-08:00

She said: I believe life gives only choices. Though, these choices assume different forms. If you are not even aware of these blessings, nobody should complain. If I can’t shape my life to my choice, I have no right to complain.

He thought: Damn, drinking habit!

She kept silent.

His silence was rooted in fear.

Her silence said more.

As always, he misinterpreted her silence and gave voice to his interpretations. And he stood by them.
(It was convenient for him.)

Then he thought of various excuses to get drunk that evening.

He knew it would hurt her. He wanted to drink. Alone.

Still they live together.

Choice, believes, wants, needs, urge, assume, compromise…

Life: Adjustment by choice!

Beautiful World is Politically Incorrect?

2004-12-18T03:43:00.000-08:00

The world suddenly appears beautiful for no particular reason. Must be my present state of mind that has made the world look so.

If all in this world are happy, will this be a more beautiful place to live in? Will perpetual happiness makes one lazy?

If it does, will the present day political dogmas have any relevance?

If the answer to the above question is in the negative, does that imply politics thrives on ugliness and unhappiness?

If it is, isn’t the Dialectical Materialism relevant? Political dogmas need some happiness and more unhappiness to gain currency.

***

Materialism
In essence, materialism answers the fundamental question of philosophy by asserting the primacy of the material world: in short, matter precedes thought.

Materialism holds that the world is material, that all phenomena in the universe consist of matter in motion, wherein all things are interdependent and interconnected and develop in accordance with natural law, that the world exists outside us and independently of our perception of it, that thought is a reflection of the material world in the brain, and that the world is in principle knowable.

The ideal is nothing else than the material world reflected by the human mind, and translated into forms of thought. --Karl Marx, Capital, Vol. 1.

Dialectics
Dialectics is the science of the most general laws of development of nature, society, and thought. Its principal features are as follows:

1) The universe is not an accidental mix of things isolated from each other, but an integral whole, wherein things are mutually interdependent.

2) Nature is in a state of constant motion:
All nature, from the smallest thing to the biggest, from a grain of sand to the sun, from the protista to man, is in a constant state of coming into being and going out of being, in a constant flux, in a ceaseless state of movement and change. - Friedrich Engels, Dialectics of Nature.

3) Development is a process whereby insignificant and imperceptible quantitative changes lead to fundamental, qualitative changes. The latter occur not gradually, but rapidly and abruptly, in the form of a leap from one state to another.

Merely quantitative differences beyond a certain point pass into qualitative changes. - Karl Marx, Capital, Vol. 1.

4) All things contain within themselves internal contradictions, which are the primary cause of motion, change, development in the world.

Laws of dialectics
The three laws of dialectics are:
1. The law of the unity and conflict of opposites;
2. The law of the passage of quantitative changes into qualitative changes;
3. The law of the negation of the negation.
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“The question whether objective truth can be attributed to human thinking is not a question of theory but is a practical question. Man must prove the truth, i.e., the reality and power, the this-worldliness of his thinking in practice.” - Karl Marx, Theses on Feuerbach.
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Loud Mouths Sink the Nation?

2004-12-16T04:26:00.000-08:00

Prime Minister Manmohan Singh today asserted in the Rajya Sabha that India's policies on nuclear and defence would be based on “continuity and national consensus.”

He was responding to Leader of the Opposition Jaswant Singh’s demand for clarification from the prime minister on External Affairs Minister Natwar Singh's reported remarks in Seoul that the previous NDA government was responsible for the nuclear stand-off between India and Pakistan.

The prime minister also declared that "India is a nuclear power and will remain a nuclear power."

Natwar Singh, while speaking to Korea Times in Seoul, reportedly had regretted India's current nuclear status and also called upon the two Koreas not to emulate India's example in becoming a nuclear power.

The minister also sought to shift the entire blame for events leading up to the 1998 Shakti series of tests on the then NDA Government and its nuclear stand off with Pakistan.

Cut back to May 2004. The AICC issued a statement that some of the utterances of the newly sworn in ministers in the Manmohan Singh cabinet need not be taken seriously or as the policy of the new government. Personal views, the AICC said.

The reason the AICC gave was rather stunning. These ministers were not in the limelight for long and their blurting out were a result of their excitement after getting a chance to speak to the television cameras. (Responsibility and accountability, you said?)

Looney finds the AICC statement was indeed a good one. It was even an honest admission from the over a century old political party. But the point that should not missed out is that it was Natwar Singh himself who was then carried away by the excitement. His comment then was on Indo-Pak bilateral relations.

A majority was in a mood to forget and forgive. The BJP, defeated in the polls, were busy licking its wounds and wondering whom to be blamed for the debacle. Hence Natwar Singh’s “excitement” didn’t snowball into a controversy. (Looney remember George Fernandes, as the Defence Minister, declaring China as India’s number one enemy, shortly after he had taken charge in 1999.)

The Kuwait hostage crisis followed. Four Indians were among those taken hostage by the holders of the black banner. Natwar Singh, who has a comment on everything under the sun again couldn’t hold back his excitement and blurted out, which in turn negatively affected the negotiations.

A red-faced Indian government had then to assign Minister of State for External Affairs E Ahmed to handle the crisis. Natwar Singh, for some reasons best known to him and the government, kept mum on the issue till the hostages were safely returned to India.

Apparently, going by the past experience, Natwar Singh must have again got “excited” when he spoke to the Korea Times yesterday.

The government or the AICC, or perhaps both, may in a few days come out with a statement saying whatever Natwar Singh had said Seoul were his personal views. But, Looney is sure that the statement will be silent on the question whether he had gone to Seoul in his personal capacity spending his own money.

The question is, does India need an external minister who tends to get “excited” at the sight of journalists and blurt out?

There is an old saying in the Navy. It goes, “loose tongue sinks the ship.” What about excited ministers, Mr Prime Minister?

Journalism of Extraordinary Courage

2004-11-26T04:09:00.000-08:00

One of the leading newspapers today carried the following as a front-page box-item in its Bangalore edition.

EXPANSION ON SUNDAY
"There would be an expansion on Sunday. While the focus is on Bangalore, other parts of Karnataka too would receive attention. The emphasis is on new faces, people and men and women with pananche and fresh ideas. But one factor to be looked at is youth.

The whole move is underway. The biggest surprise is that neither Sonia nor Deve Gowda is being consulted.

Sunday is the D-day.”

Perhaps this is what they may in future call as journalism of extraordinary courage. Only a daredevil would print something like this one.

Rewriting History

2004-11-25T07:00:00.000-08:00

History seldom repeats. 'History repeats' have become a cliche especially in the hands of unimaginative editors sitting in the illusionary comfort of a newsroom.

History never repeats. At least in India. But it is rewritten on and off. If Godse is a hero, or a freedom fighter to those in power, he finds a glorious place in the 'annals of history.'

Consider this: "Godseji advocated the cause of an armed struggle, which was then suppressed by renegades headed by one Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi. Mahatma Godse was a strong advocate of the creation of a Hindu nation, 'Hindustan' which was opposed by Gandhi and others.

Godseji knew very well that Gandhi and co were taking the country to the dogs. So he eradicated Gandhi. However, the power-crazy followers of Gandhi had by then bifurcated Mother India!" Still, Godse had no fear in killing Gandhi and consequently walking to the gallows."

A primary school student who is compelled to read this naturally shows an affinity to Godse. But then, those who wanted to glorify the sacrifices made in the name of Hindutva, dodn't get a second chance to catch them young.

And then the age of de-saffronisation began. Another attempt, another rewriting of history. New textbooks, new heroes and villains. Or, back to square one?

But then, what is our true past?